Where are you now??

http://youtu.be/CCVdIdAOvNI

I woke this morning, with you heavy on my heart. An energy so strong it made my eyes sting with tears. Wishing I could reach for you; wishing you would answer my call. 

I could dial the phone but it would be fruitless. Making the ache dig deeper into my soul. 

I want to tell you my world is crumbling. That I close my eyes and see you walk into that restaurant. Feel the softness of your suit, the kindness in your eyes. I want to feel your arms encircle my waist as we look at the city. I miss your smile from the other end of skype. 

I want to smell your skin and feel like love might be real. Even though I'm doubting it quite seriously anymore. 

Stupid girl. Time passes slowly and you've cut me out. That's what sad. I'm praying pinky swears hold. I'm empty.; so very empty. Return to me? Give me hope? Probably never. Sadly. 

Enough

I lock up. Set the alarm. Energies buzzing my head. Tears stain my cheeks. The ache it wins. It wins every time. The words fill my head day after day: you will never be enough. Never enough. No matter what you do. Like a mouse on a wheel. Striving for a goal you'll never reach. Weary, oh so weary. Please God. Someone fill this void within me. Show me I'm enough. Show me love like I pour into those around me. Help restore my faith in man. In me.

Forgettable, a nothing. Why, oh why. How do you turn it off. Or maybe never even cared at all, any of you. 

Paint your smile little hippie! No one likes a cry baby. You will survive this too.

Not him

You're not him.

Your hands don't encircle my neck out of malice but to bring me back to life.

Your stare isn't to frighten but to strengthen.

My blood isn't caused by your words but from me learning to fight free.

The demons, they leave in droves as my fears are leaving one at a time. 

Nightmares, once controlling my nights are few and far between. 

You are my dream catcher.

You are not him. 

You don't wear buttery soft suits or drove a fancy car.

You don't make empty promises; you make none at all actually. 

Only one, no one will hurt me again.

You don't envelop me in the embrace of a lover. 

You are fierce and driven. Still kind. 

You don't caress me while entertwined in velvety sheets with a view of the city.

You grab me with carnality. For sustinance.

My red trails don't phase you.

You don't cling to me to heal my pain/,

You breathe your energy into me.

Your kiss steals my breath not my soul.

You both say soar. One from the lips of a ghost, one from the lips of a pillar. 

You are not him

I lay in my bed 

Tears in my eyes 

He doesn't notice the pain he causes

He doesn't even see the trails on my arms; on my heart

His damage means nothing 

My tears mean nothing

I am weary

I am lonely

I am broken 

Because of all the "hims"

Which one of you will be next. 

Leave, break, lie, destroy

Or leave this soft soul to mend 

Sew the mosaic closed 

So no one can get in.

Bleed

Months have passed. The pain refuses to disappear. Like an amputee I feel you, even though you are gone. Never to return. Left behind, never like this though. Try again and again to start anew. What do I get? Empty words, loveless kisses and the ache yo bleed out every ounce of pain. 

I fight every day to be strong, let my light shine and not let it dwindle away. But it is merely a flicker and when it's seen its gobbled up and snuffed out. Poof: like a candle: 

Fine use me up. Steal my light for what I have left I give you freely. Take it so there's nothing left; not even the ache.

Forget me, or that's as if ot feels. Love unrequited, oh what a deep wound.  But that is my curse. To be filled with love and no one to return it. So, I let my heart bleed and ooze.

I strive for the best in all I do. I will fight.fight to succeed. Breathe so deep. Miss me please. My light. It hurts as it blows out. 

Let the darkness consume my softness.

Let th loveless take my sweetness for granted.

Take one breath at a time. And bleed.